This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Well, it was bound to happen. Cultural change has finally come for our beloved candy because we can't have nice things at all. M&M's announced yesterday that they are making changes to their M&M characters to make them "less sexist" among other problematic issues. Angi in particular is enraged over this change as she felt the green M&M and her hooker whore boots were a representation of her. Personally, I've always seen Angi as the red M&M who is always mad and yelling (at me.) Abe too seemed to be on this bandwagon about being against change but this was more specific to the candy itself. Like, they're M&M, who cares about their personality or what they do. He also rambled on about the green one having whorelashes (which she kept in the redesign) but her shoes are now sneakers like the rest. High heels on a piece of candy that has been animated to sell candy should not be that big of a deal. Then again, this M&M has an actual bio page discussing how she is a "hype woman for her friends." Angi let us sneak peek behind her marketing degree to tell us that men in a corporate boardroom surely came up with all this stupidity. Look and even though this point has been made already, we just want to eat candy, is that too much to ask? I think all this only came about because Angi wants that green one to become a hot slut again and Abe is more interested if she was banging the big dumb yellow one. The answer to that is probably because before the redesign, green would text her friends the eggplant emoji in reference to yellow. After all, he's got a big nut in him so clearly he's the hung one of the group. For representation sake by the way, I want to stake claim on the blue M&M. If they can have him just be drunk and crying all the time, I for one would be thrilled.
Grumpy Cat is dead, long live Grumpy Cat (which is a perfect way of explaining this topic.) I should add before going through this topic that Abe assumed that Grumpy Cat was alive (because of course he did.) As I stated to open this though Grumpy Cat is dead and the person that is morning the most is the owner. Not because they lost their beloved pet but because of the opportunity to milk their "beloved" pet for more hard earned Instagram dollars. That's right, these "petfluencers" are downright losing their minds at the idea of not being able to exploit their animals to the mindless masses. However, they have come up with the perfect solution to solve this problem. These "petfluencers" are now cloning their animals because the reality is people just want to see cute pets doing silly stuff or looking angry and not the loser on screen or behind the camera. This is obviously sick and disgusting but it doesn't matter because the thirst for money and fame is just too great. Sure, this isn't isolated to only pets as you can see with say the Prince estate who have been rummaging through his vaults and tossing anything that isn't nailed down out for cash. Seriously, he never wanted half of the stuff that's getting put out released and yet we are now on a scheduled drop for recordings for like the next twenty years. This exploitation was on full display the other day (check Abe's Twitter for the video) of a woman whose dog died and she was trying to get a perfect crying video out of her kid. She wanted him to sell certain cues and give the proper looks so she could continue to milk social media for those sweet likes. That's the problem with the world today, innate talent does not matter anymore and any loser on Instagram/Youtube can be considered famous for doing very little. I'm happy I'll be dead at some point because when polled (throwback,) kids these days say their dream job is to be a Youtuber.
Other Stuff from Today's Show:
Even though it's pitch black outside (while I'm writing this) and most of you guys are probably stuck in traffic (while I'm writing this) but you'll probably be home (when you're reading this.) Anyway, to alleviate some of the blahs that come with driving, Angi yanked out a list of songs that are apparently distracting to drive to because they are high energy and emotionally charged. These tracks apparently make you reckless when you're driving. The reality of this list is that each of these songs is actually just really fun to sing along to and in turn, you'll take your hands off the wheel and crash. Also, this list is 9 songs for some reason.
9. Dua Lipa - "Levitating" (Abe's girl!)
8. Evanescence - "Bring Me to Life" (First example of a total sing along banger)
7. Bon Jovi - "Shot Through the Heart" (This is where we realized the list is probably dumb)
6. Calvin Harris - "Feel So Close" (Absolute banger)
5. Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Can't Stop" (All that wet teeth)
4. A-Ha - "Take on Me" (Another total sing along)
3. Jay-Z - "Empire State of Mind" (After hearing Abe's version, there's no need for the original.)
2. The Killers - "Mr. Brightside" (Absolute sing along banger anthem)
1. Outkast - "Hey Ya!" (Take your hands off the wheel when you start clapping and hit a light pole)
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Abe (Streak: 1)
Angi's (repping Lauren) Song Choice: "The Pretender"
Abe's (repping Mark) Song Choice: "My Sharona"
Observation:
Angi and Lauren have this disgusting view of liking the Foo Fighters more than Nirvana (so gross.) As for Lauren, she's an ER nurse who works from home and lays on her stomach, right side, left side, back, rinse repeat. She was also too hungover to call but Mark wasn't. However, I feel gross backing Mark who is a porch pirate pedophile. Well that and both song choices are awful.
Winner: Angi
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Angi Is Bored and Cold
Mon: Given that it was a holiday, Angi spent the day cleaning her house and cooking a lovely dinner for Jay the Straight ... J/K! Angi was off today which meant she laid on the couch watching Seinfeld episodes on Netflix while drunkenly yelling at anyone who came near her. (N/A)
Tue: Bridget had Angi use Jay the Straight's Neti Pot to clear out her sinuses. It worked absolutely amazingly and Angi went to bed happy. However, the grim reaper busted into Angi's bedroom and he was beyond furious because she used it. He anticipated her dying but Bridget kept her alive. He's really beginning to tire of her crap and says that he should have killed her in the cocaine fueled 90's. He may be furious but her name isn't on the list so he leaves unfulfilled. (Alive)
Wed: Krista had Angi flash Benny the Bull her frankentits from the stands at the Bulls game. It worked and she got his attention but unfortunately, she also got the attention of security as well. They hauled her ass out and locked her up in the mostly unused United Center jail. The incident called for The Bulls to take away her season tickets, Benny the Bull filed a restraining order and she was totally embarrassed overall. However, she was alive by the end once again. (Alive)
Thur: I mean, Angi kind of really did ask for it with this one, complaining about how bored that she was. After the Bulls game on Wednesday night, she decided to liven things up by letting Donkey Kong out of the United Center jail. He went on to wreck the transmitter and make us lose another day of play this week. (N/A)
Fri: Zack had Angi choose to visit the Optical Illusion Museum at Navy Pier. Walking through it, she was amazed by all the illusion that it projected. Oddly enough, it seemed like Angi was going to escape unscathed again once more. However, death had other plans and the angry Grim Reaper showed up once again. He wanted to claim her after Tuesday's shenanigans but Angi outsmarted him doing the Mutombo. She ran off, broke a mirror and retrieved a glass shard. Sick of his constant hovering, Angi stabbed the Grim Reaper to death with it, therefore negating the existence of death (and in turn invalidating the whole point of this game.) (Alive)
10 O'Clock Toast:
Louie Anderson. A comedic genius in Baskets (which only Abe saw,) he was a great guy who was taken too soon.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"He (Rocky the Rooster) has a great body I have to say." - Abe
"Unless you're Angi Taylor, number 1 for her: Plan B and Valtrex." - Minn Barb
Best Bet of the Week: Take the LA Rams +3 against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.